The First Step in Trusting.
(Part 1 of 7 in the Learning How to Trust Series)
Today begins the first in a series on Learning How to Trust. If you’re interested in learning how to choose trust over fear, which includes abandoning your worries, join me over the next several posts, as I break it down in small pieces.
Let’s dive right in….
Have you ever noticed how we complicate things? How we take something relatively benign and turn it into some web of complexity that only highly trained special agents could possibly untangle?
I have. And truth be told, I still do a fair amount of it, depending on the topic. Anything the least bit technical and my brain goes fuzzy. Not too handy of a personality trait for someone who does most of her work on the computer/internet.
Technology and Leslie, not so much. Trust and Leslie, now that’s something that works for me. I get it. And I want you to get it, too.
I didn’t always get trust, though. I believe that’s why I suffered from insomnia for so many years. I wasn’t able to stop my mind at night, spinning tall tales of What If this, and What If that? What If I would’ve said this, oh, then I bet he would’ve said that. (Sound familiar?)
My mind had fallen in love with What If scenarios, mainly because they fed it and allowed it to stay active, even when it wasn’t to my benefit. What If scenarios had become a habit. A habit that was extremely hard to break — until I realized that What Is is a much, much healthier place to live.
What Is banished What If. But it took (takes) practice.
And here we find our First Step to Trusting:
The Awareness of What Is
Making the shift from What If to being aware of What Is is a total and complete game changer. It’s a means of setting yourself free.
(Disclaimer: It’s a bit of a shallow example, but something most of us can relate to, either now or from past experience.)
Okay, let’s walk through this. Let’s say there’s someone you feel a connection with and are attracted to. (Let’s make him a him.) You believe he also feels the connection and is attracted to you, too. You’ve shared some special moments, some special conversations. He’s away on business now, and says he’ll call. Time passes and no call.
Which will you choose to believe?
- Option #1: He’s swamped with work. That’s why I haven’t heard from him. Hmm…I wonder.
- Option #2: I’m not in near proximity, so he’s forgotten all about me. He must be one of those “Out of sight, out of mind” men. He’s just into me when I’m around.
- Option #3: He has met someone else.
I could go on, but you get the idea.
What do each of these (and numerous other scenarios I could come up with) have in common? They all reek of:
I must not be very important to him. I must care about him more than he cares about me. My heart is invested in this relationship way more than his heart. And all of these thoughts could be preceded with “What If” and still read exactly the same. All are in your mind, and nowhere else. Think about it: They exist Nowhere Else. Your mind is the only place they live, and you put them there.
After saying each of these things to yourself, how do you feel? Peaceful? Loving? Worried? Fearful?
Chances are, not peaceful. And not loving either. I mean, isn’t peace why we trust to begin with?
What Is, is he said he would call and you haven’t received a call from him. You have no idea why. Period.
What if you choose to go about your daily activities with only that in mind, practicing What Is? He hasn’t called. And right now I don’t know why. The end.
You go to work. You’re focused on projects. You interact with others. You enjoy dinner with a friend. You live your life. All the while, with the two bits of What Is in mind, no added story to go along with the unknown.
Later, you hear from him. He tells you why he hasn’t called (dropped his phone in the toilet, ran out of battery, who knows), and at that point — this is the important part — you trust yourself enough to decide if his explanation is reasonable to you. You trust yourself enough to know if you’d like to continue getting to know him further or not. You trust yourself.
Yes. You Trust Yourself first.
So, what’s simple about this? Well, making the switch from What If to What Is, takes practice, but once you’re aware of it, that’s all it is: daily practice. And wouldn’t you agree that NOT approaching life with fear and worry, but rather living life in peace through trust, is worth the practice?
“Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.” ~ Albert Einstein
Reading this quote from Albert Einstein is a reminder: make it as simple as possible, but not simpler — this is BIG stuff we’re dealing with here. BIG stuff that can set you free to live the most peaceful life you’ve ever dreamed of. But BIG doesn’t mean it can’t be simple.
Become aware of What Is
Dedicate yourself (your mind!) to actively practicing What Is
Remember where trust begins: Trust Begins Inside of You
In love and trust,