I can’t seem to stop crying. At first I was unable to identify what was happening, taken by surprise by the sheer flood of emotions. I open cards from sweet friends, sending their love and support, and burst into tears. I read emails from many of you, and again, the tears appear, uncontrollably.
Although somewhat disconcerting, I wasn’t overly concerned. Not until it started happening in public. Lately I’ve found myself greeted by those who have ‘heard the news‘ and spontaneously hug me as I pass them in the grocery store or in the hallways of my boys‘ school. “How embarrassing,” I thought. Get me out of this situation. So I would rush away, cry in private, then later think, “Man, I bet I made that person feel really uncomfortable.” And then there’s the secondary thought, “What the hell?”
Not until one such person sent me an email apologizing for upsetting me (based on my bizarre behavior, no doubt), did it dawn on me to stop and question the root.
My Ah-ha moment is summed up in my email response to her:
“Thank you for checking on me. No, you didn’t upset me… quite the opposite. What I’ve noticed is when people are so loving and sincere, the way you are, I become overwhelmed with gratitude. I see myself as such a blessed person, one who people care about deeply. I am able to feel the love radiate from the other person, and in each instance, I become choked up and can’t talk (hence the running away….sorry).” :-/
It’s an overwhelming feeling. I believe it’s the feeling of Love, specifically when Love is being exchanged between two souls. And when I feel it, I’m reminded of just how fortunate I am.
So if you happen to see my leaky eyes, please smile in your heart. You can rest assured that I’m feeling Love at that very moment…and it’s probably coming from YOU.
Thank you for joining me as I share my thoughts and feelings through this healing process. Tomorrow’s post will include a short update on where I am now (medically speaking), including surgery date/information.