Trust Life Today

Who Is Really in Control?

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Who Is Really in Control?

(Part 5 of 7 in the Learning How to Trust Series)

Today begins Part 5 in the series, Learning How to Trust.  Our topic for the day is a biggie — all in one word: CONTROL!

Much of our lives is spent trying to gain or maintain control over a situation, a person, or an outcome.  When this fails, we get the sense that we’re out of control.  Feelings of anxiety, worry, and helplessness surface, which all boil down to FEAR at the most basic level.

At what point in our lives do we become aware that we’re not in control?  Oh wait…you do know that, right?  That we are not in control.  Seriously, it’s true.  When I stopped to ask myself what I have control over, the answer, as I scratched my head, was, hmm, not a heck of a lot.

Let’s cut right to the big one — I have no control over my mortality.  Not when I die, not how I die.  Now that that’s out of the way….

Okay.  How about this one?  In general, do I have control over my kids?  I may occasionally live under the illusion that I have control over them, but the truth is, I don’t.  I have control over the food I put in front of them, but not necessarily what or how much they eat.  I have control over what time I put them to bed, but not necessarily how much sleep they get.  Or how well they sleep.

Again, what do I have control over?  It may not seem like a lot, but this is HUGE.  I have control over choices about how I live.  And I choose to live believing in a higher power.  One who knows and sees far more than I am capable of.  One who knows that if I die today, tomorrow, or decades from now, I will have touched the precise lives I was supposed to touch within that precise period of time.

Part of having control over how I choose to live goes back to a previous lesson we learned:  how we react to a situation.  Do we choose to invent What Ifs that poise us to internalize fear and worry or do we choose to see What Is?  One is a prison, a self made mind-prison, the other is the key that unlocks the cell. 

When it comes to controlling outcomes and other people, I don’t have much control at all.  That’s simply the truth.

Once I understood how fruitless my efforts to control ANYTHING were, the act of surrendering and letting go became much easier.

Going back to an early TLT post, and to this day, the story that illustrates more depth on how trust works than any other story I have run across, I’d like to re-share a famous Sufi story with you:

A man just got married and was returning home with his wife.  They were crossing a lake in a boat when suddenly a great storm arose.

Although the husband was a strong warrior and had always protected her, the wife became very much afraid because it seemed almost hopeless.  The boat was small, but the storm was huge, and at any moment they were going to be drowned.  But the man sat silently, calm and quiet, as if nothing were happening.

The woman was trembling as she said, “Are you not afraid?  This may be our last moment of life!  It doesn’t seem that we will be able to reach the shore.  Only some miracle can save us; otherwise, death is certain.  Are you not afraid?  Are you mad?  Are you a stone or something?”

The man laughed and took his sword out of its sheath.  The woman was even more puzzled.

What was he doing?  Then he brought the sword close to the woman’s neck — so close that just a small gap was there.  It was almost touching her neck.  He said, “Are you afraid?”

She started to laugh and said, “Why should I be afraid?  If the sword is in your hands, why should I be afraid?  I know you love me.”

He put the sword away and said, “This is my answer.  I know the power I call God.  He loves me, and the sword is in His hands, as the storm is in His hands — so whatever is going to happen is going to be good.  If we survive, good;  if we don’t survive, good — no matter what happens, Thy Will Be Done.”

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“…whatever is going to happen is going to be good.  If we survive, good; if we don’t survive good…. “

Excuse me?  If we don’t survive, GOOD?

Yes.  That’s correct.  Good.  It is not for us to understand.  There are more factors at play here than we can humanly comprehend in this line of thinking/believing, so I don’t even try.  Instead, I trust.

This is the trust one must imbibe. Such tremendous trust is capable of transforming your whole life. And ONLY such tremendous trust is capable of transforming your life—less than that won’t do.

Chinese Character for Trust

It’s not to late to share with a friend, as we still have a few more posts to go in this Learning How to Trust series.  Next we’ll be discussing letting go of control…and all that that means.  Stay tuned TLT Readers!  And thank you for your support in passing along the message of trust.

In love and trust,
Leslie

To be taken to the full series on Learning How to Trust contained in one post, click here.

Learning How to Trust Series (Part 3 and 4 Summary)

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Learning How to Trust Series Summary

It’s not too late to join in.  Below is a recap of what we’ve covered so far.

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Part 1:  “The First Step in Trusting. Can It Really Be That Simple?”  Click here for the full article. 

Part 2: “Why Don’t People Trust?”  Click here for the full article.

Summary of this week’s posts (Part 3 & 4):

Part 3 Summary:  “Top 4 Beliefs For a Foundation in Trust”  Click here for the full article.

This post was written for those who are struggling with becoming aware of What Is.  Before being able to be aware of What Is, a trust foundation, or belief system, must be in place.

This is not a think system, you don’t merely think these things in your head, you deeply believe them.

There are four elements that make up my Foundation/Belief System on Trust:

  1. There is a higher power who is with us at all times.  We are never alone.  Not in our joys, not in our sorrows.  Never.
  2. There are no accidents.  Everything happens for a reason.
  3. We don’t have to understand that reason. (the how or why of it)
  4. Not only does everything happen for a reason, but everything that happens is supposed to happen.  Everything.

Being grounded with a foundation makes being aware of What Is so much easier.  Without it, What Ifs tend to creep in and you know what happens next — unnecessary effort and energy are spent on fear and worry, neither of which serve you well.

Use your foundation as a concrete surface, as well as a soft place to land.

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Part 4 Summary:  “How To Practice Trust as You Go About Your Day”  Click here for the full article.

In Part 4, we discussed Our Stuff — that’s what we practice on, Our Stuff.  The stuff that life is made of:  an annoying coworker, illness of a child, beginning to date again, etc.  Our stuff is little, big, and everything in between, but we ALL have it.  How we choose to deal with it, or practice on it, is key.

We walked through two examples, one an everyday example of sitting in traffic, the other, a brief personal example of having a child with unique medical circumstances.  (See full article here.)

In order to get better at anything, we must practice.  Luckily, life gives us ample opportunity to practice on our stuff.

Happy Practicing!

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Click below to share.  We still have a few more parts to go;  it’s never too late to join in on Learning How to Trust.

 


How To Practice Trust as You Go About Your Day

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How To Practice Trust as You Go About Your Day

(Part 4 of 7 in the Learning How to Trust Series)

In our previous post in the Learning How to Trust series, we covered a foundation, or a belief system that, when present, makes practicing What Is much easier to do.

Keeping in mind our ultimate goal is peace, we use trust as our tool.  We shift from What If thinking to What Is thinking, we understand our belief system (not our think system), and now we practice.

But what do we practice on?  With?

Hold on to your seats — this is a very technical term I’ve named: Our Stuff!  You practice with your stuff.  I practice with my stuff.  We all do it, all the time!

To give you some examples, here is a small sampling of some of the stuff I’ve practiced on over the years:

  • the divorce of my parents
  • being raised by parents from another country, trying their hardest to have me grow up as “American” as possible
  • boyfriends! (say no more!)
  • mean girl-friends!!!! (really, say no more!!)
  • HIGH SCHOOL/COLLEGE/MARRIAGE (all deserving of capital letters, for different reasons)
  • the birth of a child with immediate (and continual) medical needs/concerns
  • working through those needs, getting to a stable place, only to discover additional medical needs….
  • etc.

Take a moment to think of your stuff.  My guess is there are probably some areas where we overlap.  Parent’s divorce maybe?  Boyfriends/mean girl-friends?  At least one of these: high school, college, marriage?

Your list will also have additional stuff.  Perhaps some stuff I’ve experienced, but didn’t list, perhaps not.  But the point is, we all have our stuff.  Little, big, and everything in between.

That, my friends, is the stuff I’m talking about.   That is the stuff we practice with.  Every. Single. Day.

Let’s take something small, something that’s safe to say we all could easily put on our list: sitting in traffic.  That’s definitely part of our stuff we get through on a regular basis.  Why choose something to practice on that’s so common?  So small, that when you bump it up against your “real stuff” it hardly seems to matter?

Here’s why.  Because it’s so common, we have ample opportunity to practice on it.  And so small?  Hmm…  If it’s really so small, then why do so many people find themselves in a rage, with eyes bulging and elevated blood pressure from merely sitting in their cars…day after day after day?

The next time you’re stuck in traffic, stop and notice What Is.

What Is:

  • you’re sitting in your car
  • you are surrounded by others in the same predicament
  • there are all sorts of sounds and smells surrounding you
  • you’re sheltered from the rain, wind, or other outside factors
  • you are embracing What Is

That’s a pretty bare skeleton I provided (and all neutral I might add), but I think we’ve all been there, and all probably heard someone tell us all of the things we can do to ease our minds while in traffic.  If you haven’t mastered this traffic example, keep practicing.  No doubt you’ll have the opportunity to.

Let’s jump to a brief example of my son.  Without getting bogged down in his medical particulars, here’s What Is, as I see it.  Here is where I choose to focus each day when I wake up:

  • my son is healthy today
  • my son has competent, smart, caring doctors
  • medical advances are made every day
  • it’s my job as his mother to provide the best nourishment, sleep conditions, and doctors available
  • beyond that, I Trust Life Today…
  • …as I embrace What Is

From traffic, to a loved one with unique needs, to dealing with an annoying person at work, to starting to date again — to whatever stuff you have in your life, practice on that.  Use your foundation (from Part 3 of the series) as a concrete surface, as well as a soft place to land.

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Do you know of someone who might benefit from our Learning How to Trust series?  It’s not too late to share.  You never know, this might be just the thing they’ve been searching for!

In love and trust,
Leslie

To be taken to the full series on Learning How to Trust contained in one post, click here.

Top 4 Beliefs For a Foundation in Trust

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Top 4 Beliefs for a Foundation in Trust

(Part 3 of 7 in the Learning How to Trust Series)

We began this month’s series on Learning How to Trust, with: Part 1:  “The First Step in Trusting. Can It Really Be That Simple?” and Part 2:  “Why Don’t People Trust?”  Today we dive into the third component:  The Foundation of Trust.

Circling back around to Part 1, we discussed making a shift from What If thinking, to becoming aware of What Is.  Hopefully, you’ve been practicing becoming aware of What Is.  For some, perhaps this has been easy.  For others, it may have presented more of a challenge.

For those of us who struggle with the What Is piece, there is a key ingredient necessary to help What Is become more real, more tangible, so you are able to actually practice using it.

And that piece is having a foundation or belief system that supports trusting.

Notice that I didn’t call it a think system.  The list that follows isn’t made up of things I think, it’s made up of things I believe — there’s a huge difference.

So, What Is a Trust Belief System Based On?

It’s based on believing that:

  1. There is a higher power who is with us at all times.  We are never alone.  Not in our joys, not in our sorrows.  Never.
  2. There are no accidents.  Everything happens for a reason.
  3. We don’t have to understand that reason. (the how or why of it)
  4. Not only does everything happen for a reason, but everything that happens is supposed to happen.  Everything.

To reference a true life example that many TLT readers are familiar with, is my previous diagnosis of breast cancer.

After receiving the diagnosis, these four things, this belief system that already existed at my core, were what kept me grounded.  Without a foundation based on trust, I believe I could’ve easily spun out of control.

What would that have looked like?  Any number of things!  I could’ve become angry.  Depressed.  My insomnia could’ve come back.  I very easily could have been riddled with fear and worry.

Anger, depression, fear, worry — how would those have served me?  NOT WELL.  And how would they have affected my family?  Especially my two young boys?  One who faces so many of his own medical challenges…the other who still  believes the sun rises and sets with me.

No, thank you to any of the anger, depression, fear, or worry.  I chose to trust.  And today, when faced with Life, with any and all of Life’s circumstances, I continue to choose to trust.

I’m not saying it’s always easy.  But it’s a practice I’ve agreed to.  A daily practice that leads to what I ultimately seek:  Peace.

And how do I practice?  What do I practice on, you ask?

Stay tuned for Part 4 in Learning How to Trust.  That’s what we’ll tackle next.  :-)

I’m curious, how is this series on trust resonating with you?  Is it stuff you already know?  I’m interested in hearing your take.  And specific to today’s post, are there other elements to your Trust Foundation that you practice regularly?  I’d love to know.

why don't people trust

Do you know of someone who might benefit from our Learning How to Trust series?  It’s not too late to share.  You never know, this might be just the thing they’ve been searching for!

In love and trust,
Leslie

To be taken to the full series on Learning How to Trust contained in one post, click here.

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