Here I sit, Friday morning, experiencing this deep feeling of JOY. It began day before yesterday, the first day my doctor released me to resume ALL normal activities.
I quickly asked, “Can I ride my bike? How about lifting weights?” He confirmed that I could, but warned me to ease into a workout routine, saying, “Let’s not start with the PX90, okay? How about some Richard Simmons? Try that first.”
I got the message. Start slowly. But rather than choosing one of the extremes he jokingly mentioned, I went back to my all time favorite: Jillian Michaels! Sure, I couldn’t do a push-up. I modified anything high impact to low, and during exercises I previously would’ve used ten pound hand weights, I used three’s. But I did it! Every circuit. Every rep. And it felt SO good!!
During the cool down, I glanced at my phone: 9:34 AM. Whoa! Could it really be? Six weeks ago, at precisely that time, I was in surgery. The first surgeon was still working, the second one not yet begun.
Much later that afternoon, a friend mentioned to me how happy I sounded. I thought, “Yep. Those ‘post exercise endorphins’ were still kickin’ in high gear.” But wait, my workout had been that morning. It was almost dinnertime.
What I was experiencing, and still continue to experience two days later, is the feeling of JOY. It’s as if my Joy Meter is on high, pointing to the stars. This is a joy that comes from not only knowing I am Whole and Healed, but also a joy that comes from knowing I’m BACK and HEALTHY.
For a few months I had felt different, and not in a good way. I could feel eyes on me…and it wasn’t the sort of attention I was comfortable receiving. I didn’t feel “normal,” whatever that means. Being able to drive was my first milestone, providing the independence I desperately craved. But this, this was different. This joyous feeling comes from an inner feeling of, “Yes, I can!”
Let me tell you – - when that feeling is missing from within, then suddenly reappears, you stop and take notice, issuing immediate gratitude.
Stop and do a little inner joy check for me. Where is your Joy Meter? Low? Medium? High? Somewhere along the spectrum, but you’re not sure where? Are you one of the blessed ones whose needle is pointing to the stars? Regardless of where you are, would you be willing to share with the rest of us? To help us learn through you?
For me, my ‘to the stars’ Joy Meter stems from the feeling of, “Yes, I can!” And it feels like a lot of things. I feel: Whole. Healed. Back. Healthy. Loved. Grateful. Joy. And yes, SORE. :-) [Jillian Michaels does not mess around!]