Last Friday, I:
started the day with my absolute favorite beverage on Earth (bubble tea), which alone would have me singing and dancing, but, I coupled that with girlfriend time/stimulating conversation. Heaven!
a massage. My first since before the diagnosis. Although I was uncomfortable at times (I still have quite a few ‘dead patches’ where the nerves haven’t yet regenerated on the backs of my arms and lower shoulder area, along with not being able to lie down comfortably face down), with some minor adjustments, it was a great massage! One of the best ever! Very pleasurable.
a pedicure. “Excuse me? Would I care for a manicure, too? No, thank you. On second thought. Yes! Yes, I would.” I walked out with deep purple pleasure on my toes and fingers.
and afterward, now back at home,
twenty minute meditation, while staring at the pool, listening to the flow of the water cascading down from multiple locations, Libby, my best girl at my feet. Quiet pleasure.
Meditation up, boys home from school. Quick snack, then off to watch The Hunger Games at not just any ordinary movie theater, but one of those fancy kind with the La-Z-Boy chairs, wine, a full menu, the works. (A first, but definitely not last, for us.) Two hours of sheer pleasure!
Out to dinner. Excellent Spanish restaurant. Then boys home in one car with Dad, as I jump in mine and off to Target I go. Up and down the aisles. All alone. Not a care in the world. Simple pleasure.
There you have it, my very pleasure-filled day.
Reflecting back on that morning, as I was leaving the tea house to drive home, I remember thinking:
I have many, many (did I mention many?) things I should be doing right now….
But, I will not should all over myself today
No, today I shall pamper myself
Drive myself wherever I feel like
To do whatever I want
Because I can (as I visualize my son wearing his 18 shirts)
And here’s the kicker: I WILL NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT
And I will not freak out that I’m flying by the seat of my pants; I have not made a plan
I have to be honest. I few years ago, I couldn’t have done it. A whole day of acting on whatever whim I felt like? With no previous planning? No forethought? No trying to sneak in a to-do that happens to be on my route? No answering my phone, because even if I want to talk to the person, right now I’ve dedicated time to be with someone I love dearly: Me.
And the biggest of all: No Guilt. No should-ing all over myself. Not once did I think I should be doing anything other than what I was doing.
You may be thinking, Calm down, Leslie. You didn’t hop a plane to Paris. You were tooling around north Dallas. Big whoop. Hell yeah, big whoop! For the literally 12 hours that these activities took place, I felt complete and utter bliss. That is a big whoop.
Twelve consecutive hours of bliss might happen on vacation. Or maybe if I had a bad enough cold to keep me in bed all day with a really good book. But this 12 hours of bliss, and the fact that it was unplanned, was such an extraordinary gift I gave myself. And it wasn’t my birthday. I wasn’t celebrating anything deliberately.
In retrospect, I was celebrating Me. I was honoring myself by having my actions direct the Love I’d typically give outward, back inward. It was time to pour Love inside. Within.
As I’ve mentioned before, I believe Love and Trust go hand-in-hand. And with that, I believe wholeheartedly that Love and Trust originate from within. Love and Trust begin inside of us first. Once we love ourselves, it becomes easy to love another. And yes, once we trust ourselves, we know we are capable of trusting others.
Knowing these Truths, why not dedicate a day to showering yourself with Love? There’s really no other gift quite like it. There’s something about putting your Love into action and directing that action inward that translates solidly to:
I love myself enough to do what’s right for me.
I am worthy.
I am enough.
I am more than enough.
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