If you want to learn something, read about it. If you want to understand something, write about it. If you want to master something, teach it.”
~ Yogi Bhajan
Yep, that just about sums up the path I’m on with trust. I began reading about trust (trust and faith really, their subtle differences, meanings, nuances) many years ago. Shortly after, I started writing about it, but only for myself. Then, over three years ago I started publicly writing about trust here on Trust Life Today, followed by teaching individuals first, then later groups.
As linear of an approach as it may sound — read, write, teach — what I’ve found is now that I’m at the teaching stage of trust, I continue to read and write about it. I still study, contemplate, question, and even meditate on trust. Although I’ve written posts about why people don’t trust, I constantly find it surprising when they don’t. Until one day, in the midst of life, I find myself there too, not trusting.
And then I’m reminded — trust isn’t something I have mastered, it is a daily practice. Trust is a practice I’ve chosen to embrace. Why? Because my breathing slows down to a calm, steady rhythm when I trust. Because my hot female, Mexican, Taurus, Pitta dosha, Enneagram 8, Chinese symbol fire, who-knows-what-label, does not flare as quickly when I trust. Because I get better sleep at night when I trust.
Because I show myself and the world the best of me.
Because I feel God within me.
Because I feel peace.
Because the peace that comes from trusting feels like a little slice of Heaven on Earth to me.
And I want more peace in my life, more God in my life, more of my best-self to show up every day in my life, and definitely more Heaven on Earth in my life. So I have cultivated a practice of trust, and I do just that, I practice.
And I screw up.
There are times I forget what it means to trust, and to have faith, and to love myself. I simply forget. I slip into old patterns and behaviors.
Then…after I’m done beating myself up over the screw up, when I’m finally able to be still and quiet within my heart and mind, I give thanks.
Unfortunately, I often allow my life to become so fast and frenetic, I rush to the next thing, then the next, never stopping to realize that the irksome feeling hovering over my head like a dark, Eeyore-cloud, is actually me continuing to beat myself up unconsciously. It is not until I slow down enough to quiet my mind and tune into my heart that I see the screw up for what it is: an opportunity to forgive myself, to learn from the experience, to practice self-compassion, perhaps even to provide comfort or to empathize with my neighbor who may share with me something similar as we both “coincidentally” meet at our mailboxes next week, month, or year. Glance over the previous sentence, and you will find between each comma lies the reasons I give thanks for the quote-unquote-screw-up.
In the giving of thanks, on an energetic level I feel restored, like my inner-balance-scale had been horribly askew, and now it has settled back to the middle, not tilting one way or the other. In that horizontal plane of my inner-scale, my practice of trust begins again. The experience of Heaven on Earth gently nudges me and I close my eyes and smile.
From where you’re sitting and reading today’s post, you may be thinking, Right on! I can do this! A daily practice of trust is totally within me! Or, you may be thinking, Is she f-ing kidding me? She has no idea what I’m going through and if she only had a clue, she would know trust is impossible, completely impossible. Or maybe your pendulum is swinging back and forth between the two. Wherever you are on your path, stop now and honor it. It is your truth. Own it. Then ask yourself, Why can’t I experience a little Heaven on Earth? Close your eyes, smile, and know you can. Even if you think you can’t, you can.
Join me next week, as I talk to the group in the second bucket above, the “it’s impossible to trust” bucket. Tune in if this is you. If it’s not you, chances are you know someone in this bucket; consider sharing this post with them in the hopes it will get their juices flowing and prepared for what’s to come. I look forward to seeing you next week.
In love and trust,
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