While on our way to a doctor’s appointment several months ago, my son and I drove quietly, listening to music. He and I spend a lot of time together in the car, usually full of chatter, but that day was different. He was very quiet. Was he simply enjoying the music? Was he thinking? As we sat at a red light, I glanced over at him. Furrowed brow, eyes narrowed. Yes, he was thinking. It was the type of thinking that a mother doesn’t interrupt.
As I pulled into the parking lot, the quiet, contemplative spell was beginning to lift. As I removed the key from the ignition, he looked over at me and said, “Sometimes getting older scares me because I know too much.”
“I know what you mean,” I replied. “I understand.”
And with that, we walked into the appointment.
What I believe my son was referring to was actually becoming aware. The opposite of, “Ignorance is bliss.” All of a sudden you go from the standpoint of not knowing any better, to knowing in such a way that Life has taught you lessons that cannot be untaught, or unlearned, for that matter. And to a child, I imagine that the knowledge of this new responsibility would feel scary.
Although at this time in my life, I wouldn’t choose the word “scares,” I completely understand what my son meant. The more we understand about Life, of what IS, the more accountable we must hold ourselves to being true to who we are. (More accountable can sometimes feel scary.) And in today’s culture, that’s not always the easiest, or most popular task. But it’s the task one is faced with, once Aware.
I believe you, the reader, are there: You Are Aware. You are the exact audience I am meant to write for. You wouldn’t visit this blog if you weren’t interested in exploring and seeing what IS and growing from within. I read your emails. I know. The emails I received in response to the questions I posed in What Do You Own? were so raw and so real. They exhibited such trust.
Within several of your emails was the theme of ‘losing faith’ at one time. The word ‘scared,’ either in the past or present tense was also used with some frequency. But along with losing faith, regaining faith, feeling scared, overcoming lost loves — you are also seeking something deeper. And this something deeper comes from within and is nourished from within and above, simultaneously. I believe it becomes more apparent as we become more aware.
So is it knowing too much? Or is knowing more simply a product of becoming aware? Once aware, you no longer believe you are alone. You regain your faith and begin to Trust in Life.
I was reminded of this lesson while speaking to a dear friend yesterday. I shared with him a quote I keep in my car, placed in a location where I see it each and every time I drive anywhere. It’s a quote I jotted down in a dark movie theater on my ticket stub.
God dwells within you, as you. God dwells within each one of us.