Why I Gotta Be So Tough? (But I Will NOT Fight)

I have this thing with doctors…it’s this tough girl thing.  I recall once while living in the UK, I made a trip back to the states to take care of a few doctor’s visits.  As is usually the case, I needed to have a mole removed.  Since I’m allergic to the numbing agent that’s typically used in this sort of procedure, my dermatologist uses something else with me.  This particular day they didn’t have the something else on hand.  I quickly considered:  I won’t be home again for probably six months, I have a flight to catch tomorrow, there’s no time for the doctor’s office to order and receive the correct drug.  I blurted out, “Just go ahead and cut it out cold turkey.”  Simultaneously thinking to myself, “Really, how painful can it be?”  Okay…OUCH!!  But did I flinch?  No.  Did I complain?  No way!  See, I’m a tough girl.

This is just one of many examples I could share.  I have a kidney stone story that is probably better, but this one is short and sweet and pretty vivid, so I’m guessing you get the point.  Don’t complain.  Suck it up.  Take care of business.  Be a good patient.

So here I find myself, present day, visiting the hospital quite a bit.  While filling out forms recently, I was handed a pink pen containing a black breast cancer ribbon.  Below the ribbon were the words, “FIGHT like a girl!”  At each and every doctor’s office, blood drawing lab, MRI and CAT scan facility, I see somewhere the following words on a sign: “We’re here to Fight Cancer!” or “Join us in Fighting Cancer!” or simply “I Can Fight Cancer!”

Hmmm, each time I think, Fight?  I’m not fighting anyone!!  Who is there to fight?  What is there to fight?  Fighting may work well for some (and hey, whatever works for you…), but for me, the idea of fighting anyone or anything negates my sense of being whole and healed.

Back to today’s title, “Why I Gotta Be So Tough?”….  That, my friends, I cannot answer.  Perhaps it’s a sense of earning ‘points‘ by being a low maintenance patient?  I’m not sure exactly why I do it.  But one would think that the tough girl facade I portray would want to kick some cancer ass.  Nope, that entire concept is completely counterintuitive to me.

Being seen as whole, as healed, as loving my body and nurturing it in any way possible feels right to me.  As I sit quietly in the morning and meditate, my mind often drifts to the ductal system within my right breast.  I imagine the pathways with their twists and turns, branching off this way and that.  And I envision loving, healing water washing over each and every cell within the pathways, bathing the cells and coating the walls with a love that has the power to heal.

The peaceful feeling I experience while in this exercise rejuvenates my spirit.

For those who have sent emails of concern, I understand your worry, but I do. not. feel. it.  When you ask me HOW I trust, this is how I trust.  I close my eyes and see myself, and I feel the feelings involved with being healed.  These feelings are so real that when I open my eyes, I still see myself as whole and healed.  I believe it is so.

What aspect of your life feels less than whole?  Where do you require healing?  Sit quietly and allow the water to wash over that area until you feel your cells being coated with the loving energy that has the power to heal.  I believe the ability to do this is a gift from Our Creator.  Accept the gift and believe.

This is the view I see right now as I write. Imagine the healing energy contained in each branch.



  1. Donna says

    My dear friend, what a powerful image you evoke. What you live is more powerful than any medicine alone can be. You are healed and whole.

  2. Michelle says

    Thank you for your posts. I really do look forward to them. I also want to commend you for being so brave. It’s not easy to share such intimate moments – especially when one is so vulnerable. I have a chronic illness, so I know what it’s like to be fragile and unsteady in the world. It’s made me look at things with a new tenderness, to offer kindness, and search our wholeness. My feet are weary, but my soul is at rest.

    May you be well,
    May you be peaceful and at ease
    May you be truly happy
    May you live in abundance


    • Leslie Green says

      Thank you for taking the time to send me a note, Michelle. I’m so happy you enjoy my writing.

      Mostly I thank you for Seeing me. A lot of what I write does feel vulnerable, but the realness of it keeps me writing. As you’ve probably gathered, I believe that through sharing we help one another to learn and grow. We’re here to discover this life together.

      You no doubt have a story to tell. Living with a chronic illness has made a brave soul emerge I’m guessing. Please let me know if you’d like to to share.

      Your words were beautiful. Thank you again. Love, Leslie

  3. Rebecca Porter says


    Thank you for sharing your strength and faith and realization of holiness with us all.

    I am in love with a person who was diagnosed with terminal lymphoma some years ago. He has had ongoing treatments with much success and many frustrating reoccurances. But regardless of what appears to be going on in his body, I look into his eyes and see endlessness, beauty and light.

    We are all here to bless one another as we learn to look past the body to the essence we share. You and your writings are wonderful reminders of this purpose.


    Rebecca Porter

    • Leslie Green says

      Rebecca, thank you for your comment and words of kindness.

      It is a warming and beautiful feeling I have when I read that you are able to look into your beloved’s eyes and see his endless beauty and light. He is blessed to have you, just as you are blessed to be in love with him.

      Thank you again. Love, Leslie

  4. Kathy says

    I’m reminded of a Veggie Tales movie…actually a song in the movie. I love these lyrics and they seem fitting when one is facing any kind of battle or trial in life, so I want to share them with you now.

    “The battle is not ours
    We look to God above~
    For he will guide us safely through
    and guard us with his love

    I will not be afraid
    I will not run and hide~
    For there is nothing I can’t face
    when God is at my side”

    Leslie, you continue to inspire me and remind me to have trust and faith as I deal with some current difficult times in my life. May each of us be filled with His peace with each breath that we take, and feel a renewed energy and spirit to live life for each day.

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