I have this thing with doctors…it’s this tough girl thing. I recall once while living in the UK, I made a trip back to the states to take care of a few doctor’s visits. As is usually the case, I needed to have a mole removed. Since I’m allergic to the numbing agent that’s typically used in this sort of procedure, my dermatologist uses something else with me. This particular day they didn’t have the something else on hand. I quickly considered: I won’t be home again for probably six months, I have a flight to catch tomorrow, there’s no time for the doctor’s office to order and receive the correct drug. I blurted out, “Just go ahead and cut it out cold turkey.” Simultaneously thinking to myself, “Really, how painful can it be?” Okay…OUCH!! But did I flinch? No. Did I complain? No way! See, I’m a tough girl.
This is just one of many examples I could share. I have a kidney stone story that is probably better, but this one is short and sweet and pretty vivid, so I’m guessing you get the point. Don’t complain. Suck it up. Take care of business. Be a good patient.
So here I find myself, present day, visiting the hospital quite a bit. While filling out forms recently, I was handed a pink pen containing a black breast cancer ribbon. Below the ribbon were the words, “FIGHT like a girl!” At each and every doctor’s office, blood drawing lab, MRI and CAT scan facility, I see somewhere the following words on a sign: “We’re here to Fight Cancer!” or “Join us in Fighting Cancer!” or simply “I Can Fight Cancer!”
Hmmm, each time I think, Fight? I’m not fighting anyone!! Who is there to fight? What is there to fight? Fighting may work well for some (and hey, whatever works for you…), but for me, the idea of fighting anyone or anything negates my sense of being whole and healed.
Back to today’s title, “Why I Gotta Be So Tough?”…. That, my friends, I cannot answer. Perhaps it’s a sense of earning ‘points‘ by being a low maintenance patient? I’m not sure exactly why I do it. But one would think that the tough girl facade I portray would want to kick some cancer ass. Nope, that entire concept is completely counterintuitive to me.
Being seen as whole, as healed, as loving my body and nurturing it in any way possible feels right to me. As I sit quietly in the morning and meditate, my mind often drifts to the ductal system within my right breast. I imagine the pathways with their twists and turns, branching off this way and that. And I envision loving, healing water washing over each and every cell within the pathways, bathing the cells and coating the walls with a love that has the power to heal.
The peaceful feeling I experience while in this exercise rejuvenates my spirit.
For those who have sent emails of concern, I understand your worry, but I do. not. feel. it. When you ask me HOW I trust, this is how I trust. I close my eyes and see myself, and I feel the feelings involved with being healed. These feelings are so real that when I open my eyes, I still see myself as whole and healed. I believe it is so.
What aspect of your life feels less than whole? Where do you require healing? Sit quietly and allow the water to wash over that area until you feel your cells being coated with the loving energy that has the power to heal. I believe the ability to do this is a gift from Our Creator. Accept the gift and believe.