Trust Life Today

Release Yourself From Emptiness

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A Good, Full Life

New Year’s Eve, while I was on the dance floor with my older son, my dad passed away in a hospital 185 miles away.

Still feeling full of the joy and hope that comes with bringing in a new year, I was stunned into emptiness as my brother told me the news.  Empty and full — at the same time.

Stew newspaper

 

By anyone’s standards Stew Meyer lived a good life, a full life.

  • graduated from West Point in 1943 and was quickly deployed to Europe at the height of WWII, leading men across France into Germany
  • served in combat in three wars: WWII, Korea, and Vietnam
  • earned the Silver Star for Gallantry, Purple Heart, five Bronze Stars, 16 air metals, and the list goes on
  • mayor of my hometown from 1993-1997

The list of bullet points above was pulled from the various newspaper articles that have been written about him since his death.  And to that list I could’ve added many more accomplishments.  But I didn’t.  From that list you can see he lived a full life.

Empty

When I called my mom and spoke to her for the first time after Dad’s passing, I asked her how she was, and she answered with one word:  “Empty.”

Her heart was broken.  Her Love was gone.

The man who raised me from 9-years old on, was gone.

And although my mom and I are both fully aware of the fact that Dad lives within our hearts, we are still human.  So we grieve.  And we celebrate his life.  But we grieve all the same.  Empty and full — at the same time.

During the visitation at the funeral home, one man told Dad’s youngest daughter (from his first marriage) how much he was going to miss her father.  He said, “It’s going to take a long time to get over the loss of such a great man.”  To which his daughter replied, “I don’t plan on ever getting over it.”

See, Dad continues to live in her heart as well.  And the hearts of so many others.

Extreme Circumstances

As I feel the love I have in my heart for such a kind and gentle man, I feel full.  And empty.  How bizarre.

I imagine my dad may have felt full and mostly empty as he entered a Nazi death camp during World War II.  Full, knowing he was liberating a concentration camp, yet overwhelmingly empty as his eyes went from the Jewish prisoners who were “clawing at the wire,” as he said, wanting to get out, and the surrounding dead bodies that were strewn everywhere, not yet buried.

These are extreme circumstances:  full and empty remembering a loved one who meant so much to my family, to my development from child to adult.  Full and empty seeing the worse than dire conditions of a concentration camp.

Release Yourself

Clearly these things are not every day occurrences.  Yet so often you hear how empty people feel.  As you start 2013, ask yourself this:

What will it take for me to feel Full?
or at a minimum…
Am I getting my needs met on a regular basis?

What matters most to me?
and…
Am I spending time on those things?

Am I inspired by the way I’m living my life?
or at a minimum…
Do I feel like I’m moving in the right direction?

As much as possible, release yourself from emptiness, strive for what makes you full, and then don’t settle.

In celebration of the life of Stewart Meyer, in recognition of the inspiration he continues to be, I release myself of emptiness, I strive for what makes me full, and I will not settle for less.

release yourself

Mom & Dad at their 30th wedding anniversary dinner. January, 2010

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Related Post:  Let the True Beauty of Your Life Unfold

Put The Gun Down

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Love Yourself

Are you startled by a book cover of a man with a gun to his head, coupled with the title: Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It ?  I was.

What the Heck?

What is this?  Clever marketing?  Is the author trying to shock me?  Well, mission accomplished!  He got my attention!  So I read the intro, then I turned the page, then another page.  In under an hour, I had finished the book — and I read slowly.  I highlighted.  I stopped to reflect.

And the verdict?  Was it clever marketing?  Nope.  It was brilliant marketing.  And I give my full gratitude to the brains behind it.  Based on that image, coupled with those specific words in the title, I read the truth of a man who was as low as you could possibly imagine, and the story of how he turned it all around.

Coaxed Into Publishing

The author, Kamal Ravikant, didn’t set out to write a self-help book.  Hell, he had to be coaxed into publishing this book in the first place.  And the world is better for it.  I am better for it.  And whether you’re depressed, not depressed, struggling, not struggling, at some point in your life, you will need this book.  Or someone you love will need this book.

I can’t tell you too much of the story;  I don’t want to give anything away.  You see, in less than an hour of reading, you’ll not only learn his story, but you’ll also learn exactly how he pulled himself out of a seemingly black hole.  Yes, he tells you exactly how he did it, step-by-simple-step.

Pick One Thing

Someone relatively new to my blog recently asked me who I studied to develop my beliefs on trust, love, forgiveness?  Which books did I read?  Did I attend seminars and courses?  Which ones?

My response, “Yes, yes, and yes.”

“But which ones?” they pressed.

“Probably too many.  Too many to absorb, that is.  I’m beginning to wonder how many years I spent acquiring surface knowledge, intellectual knowledge, versus allowing the truth of the lesson to course my veins and penetrate my heart.”

So, when I got to the last page of Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It, and I read these words, I just had to stop and smile:

I think that instead of reading loads of self-help books, attending various seminars, listening to different preachers, we should just pick one thing.  Something that feels true for us.  Then practice it fiercely.”  ~ Kamal Ravikant

Practice Fiercely.  Love Yourself Fiercely.

Got an hour?  Pick one thing.  I would encourage you to pick this one thing.  And in the words of the author, if it feels true to you, then practice it fiercely.

Directly after finishing the Kindle version, I hopped on Amazon and bought the paperback.  I want to hold the book in my hands.  I want to own it and feel the pages.  I want to read it even more slowly the second time, with highlighter and pencil in hand, how I normally read.

Here is a preview of two beauties I know I’ll highlight again:

“Imagine the feeling of catching yourself loving yourself without trying.  It’s like catching a sunset out of the corner of your eye.  It will stop you.”

“Fall in love with yourself.  Let your love express itself and the world will beat a path to your door to fall in love with you.”

love yourself

Put the gun down.  Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It.

This is a Share-er for sure. This book will either benefit you or someone who sees this post. Share with Love, as I’m sharing with you.

 

The Secret to Breaking Out of Jail

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Breaking out of jail

Breaking Out of Jail

There’s no nice way to say this:  being in jail would suck.  I’m not here today to put a positive spin on prison life — although, more power to the inmate who can.  I sincerely mean that; it would make one heck of a story.  In fact, if there are any inmates out there reading this blog, contact me.  I’d love to hear about your positive prison experience, how you gained a skill, or how prison saved your life.  I know those stories exist.  I’m completely captivated each time I hear one.

I’m equally intrigued by those of us living in our own self-made prisons.  Pay attention, I may just be talking to you.

Have you ever:

  • held a long-term grudge?
  • resented someone deeply?  (mildly?)
  • felt self-righteous because of what someone else did to you?
  • lashed back at someone?
  • deliberately chosen not to forgive someone?
  • thought of ways to get even, then acted on them?

I’m not talking about plots so sinister that they actually would land you in jail, I’m talking about the everyday stuff we do when we think we’re protecting ourselves — using our so-called defense mechanisms.  As long as I hold this grudge, then I’m protecting myself.  As long as I don’t forgive you, then I’m protecting myself.  As long as I somehow avenge what you did to me, then I’m protecting myself.

Now who’s in prison?  The person who won’t Let Go.

I call this:

The Prison of Self-Righteous Resentment

In the prison of self-righteous resentment, we get to be right.  Woo-hoo (said with flat, dry sarcasm).  Along with that, we get to be unhappy.  We have the displeasure of reliving the infraction over and over.

But we also get a catchy story to tell!  One that’s interesting.  And exciting.  Full of drama, action, and suspense.  One that gets us lots of attention.  People stop to watch the aftermath of a car wreck, don’t they?

Stop your drama.  YOU are the car wreck they’re stopping to watch.

And as long as you are the car wreck, you’re also the one remaining not-so-nice and cozy… in your self-made prison.

Here’s the thing:

You Have the Key

The cell you’ve fashioned may feel more airtight than any chamber you can imagine in the dankest, darkest dungeon, but turn around.  Look for the light, no matter how small it is, streaming through the keyhole.  You have the key. 

 

Breaking out of jail, key

 

(Or the slippers, Dorothy.  You’ve had them all along.)

Use your inner key:  Trust yourself.  Act on that trust, knowing you are strong enough to relinquish the grudge.  You’re strong enough to work through your resentment.  You’re strong enough to forgive.  Because each one of these acts is for the good of you, your health, your well being, your concentration at work, your even temperament with your children, your sleep at night, your inner peace.

It’s for the good of you.  And it starts with you, within you.  There’s no need for breaking out of jail — you hold the key.  Use it and walk out, directly into the light and life that await you.  Free yourself.

Let go.  Trust.

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A New Normal

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I keep waiting for my body to feel ‘normal’ again.  I think, because I’m a hopeful person, I keep hoping that my body will go back to feeling how it did pre-cancer, pre-surgeries.

I’m just about done waiting….

Around 11 months ago my brilliant surgeons went in and removed all of my breast tissue, replacing the undesirable tissue with temporary implants, and eventually permanent implants.

Yes, that’s 11 months for me to get used to a new body, a new normal.  Yet I still wait.

I still can’t hold several yoga postures.  Or, if I manage to get into the posture, I find it difficult to get out of it.  I still have difficulty closing the hatch on my car (and that’s using two arms, my old way of doing it with one arm is definitely out of the question).

So I took up tai chi, thinking I’ll continue to build my strength doing my regular workouts, and eventually I’ll go back to yoga.  I haven’t given myself the option that some yoga postures are un-doable for me, they’re just something I can’t do now.  As for the hatch on my car, well, that’s when my boys come in very handy.

But there’s lifting luggage to contend with, there’s watermelon to put in the shopping cart, then the car, then in the house.  There’s any number of things that serve as reminders:  my body is different.  It’s not the same.  

Rationally, I know that as I grow older these things would have become difficult for me.  But it would’ve been a gradual process.  A process occurring so slowly that perhaps I would’ve developed methods to compensate on a physical, as well as emotional level.

But that’s not What Was.  Not What Is.

So I remind myself, as I’ve shared with you on numerous occasions, to focus on What Is.

What Is?

  • I am cancer free.
  • I am healthy.
  • I am stronger emotionally because of the experience.
  • I have grown spiritually.
  • I don’t have the upper body strength that I used to.
  • I am slowly becoming okay with asking for help, which can feel vulnerable.
  • I have dead patches where the nerves haven’t yet regenerated.  I let go of the idea that in order to feel normal again, they must regenerate and produce feeling.  If they do, fine.  If they don’t, fine.

I am inching closer to embracing a new normal.

And I will be truthful with myself:
I will no longer avoid yoga, just because my body can’t do what it used to.

I will recognize my ego when it shows up, acknowledge it, and refocus on What Is.

I will be okay with my best.

Where in your life are you waiting for your new normal?  After ending your marriage, are you waiting for your new normal to appear?  After moving to a new city, or starting a new job, or losing a big client, or ending a friendship — where?  Where are you waiting for your new normal?

Your new normal is here.  It is upon you.  As mine is upon me.  Embrace What Is.  It’s here to help us grow, to teach us something, to serve its purpose.  What Is is our Truth.

And I Trust it.

If you live your life with the understanding of What Is, there is no waiting. 

Learning to love yourself and trust yourself is just a matter of time. Let's begin!

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