Letting Go/Surrender Lifestyle

Wanna Know How to Stop Worrying?

Maybe you’ve seen this before.  It was one of those things that got passed around via email and landed in my inbox last year.  I decided to dust it off and share it with you today.

When broken down in this format, it appears pretty simple.  No matter which way you go, all arrows point to: Then don’t worry.  And although every bit of what’s in this diagram is true, how many of us still find it difficult to stop worrying on a daily basis?  Hourly basis?

Hmm….

Simple.  True.  Yet we still worry.  I actually get why that is.  I believe that the main reason we still worry is because it’s missing one key ingredient.  Yes, it’s missing TRUST.

I’d like you to imagine that each arrow represents what it means to trust.  (Trust what?  Trust yourself…but that’s an entirely different post.)  Do you see how each arrow is a constant?  Now, as you look at each arrow, instead see trust as the constant.  See trust showing up time and time again.  With each trust-arrow, the spaces between the trust-arrows, the spaces between the words…with each breath you takebreathe in trust.  THAT is the winning combination to stop worrying.

Let’s try something:  print out this diagram, or make a simple handmade drawing, and keep it in your pocket or purse, somewhere nearby (it fits nicely on a Post-it note).  Glance at it when you begin to feel worried and walk yourself through the trust-arrows that apply to your specific situation.  See if you can breathe in trust, as you exhale out anxiety.

Over time, see if this visual sticks in your mind.  See if eventually, you can shut your eyes, and within the same second, you can see within your mind’s eye the diagram and feel a sense of calm.  No thought will even be necessary.

Like anything else, it takes practice.  Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.  (I can’t be the only weirdo it works for!)

I apologize I don’t know where this drawing originated, I’d like to give due credit.  So, Thank You to the person who created this straightforward visual to remind us not to worry…with of course, an additional element of trust.

Peace of Mind & Heart

An Offering For Your Beloved

What do all of these questions have in common?

What cures insomnia?
Why trust at all?
What do people want in life more than anything else?
What one thing do I wish most for my children?  What one thing do I wish most for anyone I love?

Drumroll please….  Answer:  Inner Peace!  What??  Not sexy enough for you?  Not exciting enough?  Maybe not even exciting enough to warrant an “!”  Or earth shattering enough to wake you in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, screaming, “I need more peace in my life!”  No.  That’s not how peace rolls.  Peace is one of those things that falls in the “out of sight – out of mind” category, similar to the foundation of your house.  But without it, well, your house won’t last very long as the strong, stable structure you’ve grown to rely on to support your outer needs.  Peace, my friends, is what supports your inner-most needs.  And for that reason, I find it sexy and exciting as hell, regardless of its knack for subtlety.

Here’s What I Know about Inner Peace:

  • peace is a present-moment-thing, it occurs in the here and now
  • therefore, don’t go chasing after peace, it isn’t a good idea since it’s not a future event
  • similarly, you may have had peace in your past, but if you don’t feel it now, in your present, there’s no use longing or lamenting, you’re just wasting your time
  • when you feel peace in your present, acknowledge it, honor it — find ways to celebrate it
  • the more you trust yourself, the more you will experience peace
  • my belief that the Divine lives within each of us, allows me to trust with all of my heart and mind — bringing more inner peace in my life.  This can work for you, too.
  • peace and inner conflict cannot exist simultaneously
  • peace does not necessarily mean quiet
  • once I learned how trust works, peace entered my life, and the insomnia I battled off and on for nearly 20 years exited my life

Peace-Calm-Heart

Peace Can Look Different For Each of Us

So what exactly does peace look like?  Feel like?  I’m sure you’ve felt it before.  But to describe it, I’d say for me:

  • Looking deeply into my eyes in the mirror and seeing someone who has learned to appreciate her outer beauty, as well as her inner beauty, feels like peace.
  • Sipping my cuppa tea with a still mind, I feel peace.
  • Being gentle with myself, especially since I would never invite someone back into my life who spoke as harshly to me as I sometimes speak to myself. When I get it right and am gentle with myself, I feel peace.
  • Observing the rise and fall of my boys’ torsos as they sleep, and realizing I’ve unconsciously been matching their breathing, feels like peace.
  • The expression on my yellow Lab’s face 99.9% of the time looks like peace.

Ultimately, inner peace feels like a calming in your heart.

That’s what I know about peace.  That’s how peace looks and feels to me.  Desirous, grounding, alive, freeing, and yes, even sexy and exciting, all at the same time.  How about you?  What do you know about peace?  How does it look and feel in your life?  Leave a comment below — I’d love to hear your examples.

If you’re running low on examples, and this post has brought to your attention that you very seldom feel peace in your life, start small: maybe sit still and watch the rise and fall of your abdomen, and do nothing else, think nothing else.  Simply observe the rise and fall for 60 seconds.  You, yes you, as busy as you are, have 1 minute.

Love yourself enough to support your inner-most needs by offering your Beloved (YOU) 60 seconds of inner peace right now.

Letting Go/Surrender

The Window Beyond, A Tale of Letting Go

“I’m so angry I could kill him.  And to think, that was over two years ago.  If he walked in that door right now, I swear….” she stared into her coffee, absently adding another sugar packet.  That made four.  I wondered if she was even aware.

Her sister, or was it her friend — same hazel eyes, same heart-shaped face, leaned in to say something, then scooted back in her chair and shook her head.

Glancing up from her sugar with coffee: “What?  Say it.”

The sister-friend hesitated, “If only you could just let go.  He let go of you a long time ago.”

“LET GO?!  If I only knew how!”  And with that, she flung her chair back, grabbed her purse and scarf, and headed toward the front door.  Sister-friend rushed behind, with a look of slight embarrassment on her face.

At an adjacent table, I watched as two cups of barely touched coffee, one with a sunken sugar treasure, were collected and taken away.  Now, with no angry and somber faces seated directly in front of me, my eyes drifted to the window beyond.

Directly outside the cafe window stood a tree with few leaves on its branches.  A tree, “let go,” just beyond the window, few leaves, “he let go of you a long time…”, leaves hanging limply one moment, parallel to the ground the next — strong wind.  “If I only knew how!”  Clearly, a storm was approaching.  Content to be on this side of the window, hands wrapped around my Earl Gray, I sat perfectly still, staring at the leaves.  “Let go, he let go of….”  Leaves that held on so tightly.  Not a single one relented its grip.

And then I remembered.

A Tale of Letting Go

On a still day last week, I was looking out my window, yellow Lab at my feet, just as yours is now I’m sure.  (He was right.  She was.)  The remaining leaves on a nearby tree were dropping, kind of like feathers dropping.  I leaned into that and I listened by giving my full attention to them.  What they began to say to me, not in words, but in their very existence and how they were falling, was they were just letting go.  They were just letting go and drifting to the earth.

And amazingly, they had held on through all the storms of this Fall. None of all that rough and tough and turbulence took them down.  And after that, on a quiet, still day, in silence, they just let go.

The reward for holding on, is at some point, we just let go.”

That is the story of listening and letting go that Mark Nepo shared with me on the phone one afternoon, as we sat discussing his new book, Seven Thousand Ways to Listen.  His was a tale of listening through giving his full attention to the message nature was delivering.  A message of holding on, and of letting go.

If Only and How?

If only the girl knew how to let go.  If only we all knew how to let go.  If only, after weathering years of all sorts of storms, we could, on a quiet, still day, in silence, just let go.  If only we could be those leaves.  But no.  Instead we try (and fail) to let go by ignoring.  By denying.  By repressing.  By making believe.  By, by, by….  Letting go will never work like that.  To let go of something, we first must admit it.

But wait.  Ignoring is easier.  So is denying.  Making believe, or blaming, yes, blaming, I forgot to mention that one before, making believe and blaming can even be fun.  Addicting.  (To be read in a whisper:  But admitting he has moved on without me?  Hush, keep quiet now, that way no one will hear how badly that stings to admit.)  So instead of letting go, we hold on a bit longer.

But all we’re really holding onto is our pain.  Pain that we are, in effect, prolonging.  If you’re ready to be free of pain and truly want to let go of anger and resentment, start by admitting the truth of the situation.

Seeking Truth & Meaning

Set Your Child Up for Success with this One Question

Tomorrow is the first day of school in my neck of the woods.  New clothes, new school supplies, new haircuts, new experiences, new beginnings.  And in our home, a new tradition is starting.  Or more accurately, a new daily after-school question, complements of Condoleezza Rice.

I remember once hearing an interview Rice gave where she shared a skill her parents taught her as a child—one that she attributed to much of her success in life.  As I listened, I’m not sure what I expected her to say, but I’m sure it wasn’t, “My parents instilled in me the love of questions.”

The love of questions?  How can that be?  According to her, when she was growing up, her parents asked her the same question when she came home from school every day.  They asked her, “What questions did you ask today?”   Not, How was your day? or What did you learn today?, but “What questions did you ask today?”

Each day her parents reinforced what they wanted her to do.  They wanted her to ask questions.  To seek answers.  To be curious.  To obtain more knowledge.  I don’t know, maybe they also wanted her to not be shy.  To stand out.  To set a positive example for her peers.  To exude confidence.  To trust herself…. 

Whatever their motives were, when I look over the list above, I see nothing but positive outcomes for little Condoleezza.  They wanted to set their daughter up for success in life, and this is one of probably many ways they chose.

Now a grown women, she reflected on how that one question, asked each day by her parents, set things into motion for her.  She noted that over the years, she’s been in the position to be a part of making some pretty big decisions.  Decisions that affected our nation, and in truth, affected the rest of the world.  She said that in observing her colleagues, it wasn’t always the smartest ones who came to the best conclusions or made the best decisions.  It was the ones who asked the most questions.  Gathering information.  Listening carefully.

question-marks

I hadn’t thought of asking questions as a skill.  However, after hearing this, I looked inward and with little to no thought I knew this to be true:  I’m horrible at asking questions.  To be honest, I avoid them—always have—especially personal questions; it is simply not in my nature to ask questions.

But just because it’s not in my nature, that doesn’t mean I should continue to hit my “Default/Comfort” setting and not try anything new.  I understand this isn’t like trying a new ice cream flavor or a new nail polish color, but rather what I’m suggesting is making an effort to change something at my core—but what’s the down side?  I get out of my box, I feel a little uncomfortable, and then what?  Oh yeah, I learn something new!  Even if you’re a question-asker and can’t relate to someone not being comfortable asking questions, I’m sure you’d agree that it’s a very odd feeling to purposely do something that goes against your natural tendencies, whatever they may be.

So tomorrow afternoon, as my kids come rushing through the door, excited to tell me about their first day of school, I will listen.  And when it’s my turn to talk, I will refrain from beginning with my usual first-day-of-school questions:  How was your first day?  Did you like your teachers?  Did you make any new friends?  Instead, I will put aside my itching-to-know-the-details-self and first say, “So, tell me, what questions did you ask today?”  And I will stop and listen to their answers.  They will model for me something that will feel foreign at first.  And little by little, we will teach each other all sorts of wonderful things.

Besides, I mustn’t forget the completely separate benefit of asking questions—the one called:  the more we ask, the less we make assumptions.  Ouch!—oh yes, that one!  But hey, that’s an entirely different post, all on its own.  I’ll leave the “Don’t Make Assumptions” work to don Miguel Ruiz.  For now, I gotta get the kids to bed.

Seeking Truth & Meaning

Selfish, Selfish, Selfish!

Elizabeth Gilbert on Selfish

Several years ago I saw Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, speak in Dallas.  She was absolutely mesmerizing.  She was smart, funny, articulate, and if you looked closely, I swear you could see her mind working;  there was a quickness and spark that was almost visible, even from way in the back.

Someone in the audience asked her to share her thoughts on the word selfish.  After all, many of her critics claimed that only a selfish person could take such an extravagant journey as Gilbert describes in Eat, Pray, Love.  I could have sworn by the grin on her face, she had been anticipating that question.  It was one of those telling grins that said, Hold on to your hats, audience!

I felt myself wanting to slowly rub my hands together and let out a low, sinister laugh.  See, I’d known for years that being selfish wasn’t always a bad thing.  And now, I had the feeling that someone, someone famous, was about to validate my belief!

What funny, personal story would she tell?  As I was preparing for a good laugh, she went in a totally different direction.  Quick as a whip, she spouted off this fact:

“In Mandarin Chinese, they have two words for selfish.  One means doing that which is beneficial to you and the other means hoarding, greedy, and cruel.  We, in English, have pushed those two words together.”

Shocked by the simplicity of her response, the cleverness, and the poignancy, it has stuck with me all these years.

Why don’t we in English have a separate word for selfish, specifically used in the context of being beneficial to us?  I mean, isn’t it similar to the airplane example we often hear:  place the oxygen mask on ourselves first, then place one on our children?  Those are specific instructions we’re given each time we take a flight.  No one would think we’re selfish for following those directions, they’re considered life saving.

In our culture, our language, why is the word selfish merged with the greedy/hoarding sense of the word exclusively?

The Spiritual Side to Selfish

My guess is, if you read this blog on a regular basis, you are a Seeker of Truth.  And with being a Truth Seeker, you already know there are two sides to selfish, no Mandarin Chinese needed.  However, we are still human, and with that, it’s easy to fall into the habit of thinking S=selfish is purely “bad.”

How about every once in a while, you fully embrace being the center of the world? 

How about seeking more ways that exemplify putting the oxygen mask on yourself first?

world-around-me

Selfish or Truth and Honesty?

And Lastly, a Few Favorite Selfish Quotes:

Most fitting quote for today’s TLT post:  “Nothing resembles selfishness more closely than self-respect.”  ~ George Sand

Made me laugh out loud:  “Selfishness is a bad habit. That’s why I always rationally think through my decisions to act without regard for others.”  ~ Benson Bruno

Made me think of myself AND laugh out loud:  “I say let the world go to hell, but I should always have my tea.”   ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes from Underground

Learning How to Trust
A Guide To Trust

Why Don’t People Trust?

I’m dedicating this month’s blog posts to a series called, Learning How to Trust.  Over the upcoming weeks I’ll break down learning how to trust into smaller, easier to absorb pieces.  Earlier this week, we kicked off the series with a post entitled, “The First Step in Trusting.  Can It Really Be that Simple?”  Today, as we continue with the second post, our focus is on understanding why people don’t trust (and ultimately, what we can do about it).

In order to understand why many don’t naturally trust, it’s important to first share a commonly held belief of how trust is formed in our lives.  (Regular TLT readers know where trust begins — Inside Us — but here, I’m referring to where our beliefs on trust come from.)

How are our beliefs on trust shaped?  By our environment.

Those of us who were fortunate enough to be raised in a household where our parents, teachers, and other influential people in our lives:

  • spoke openly about life
  • taught us healthy boundaries
  • nurtured and loved us…

…even when we screwed up…

Well, trust, from a very early age, was shaped accordingly.

However, others of us were raised in families and taught to believe:

  • trust must be earned
  • we must prove ourselves in order to gain others’ trust
  • trust can be taken away if you mess up, often with no explanation offered to the child

If you were raised in this sort of environment, it’s understandable that you grew up trusting no one.  (More importantly, you grew up not trusting yourself.  You were never taught how.)

This is where the notion of believing trust is external to us, that is doesn’t originate inside of us, begins.

A few weeks ago I was writing a speech on trust, and in my attempt to drive home this point, this idea that many believe trust is external to us, I decided to go to my Twitter account and do a word search on the word Trust.

Without sorting out the “good” trust tweets, just reading the first five, here’s what I found:

  • “You never know what people say or do when you’re not around.  That’s why I rarely trust people.”
  • “It’s hard to trust someone, especially when the ones you trusted the most were the ones that betrayed you.”
  • “I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.”
  • “Trust shouldn’t be handed out just because you like someone…it’s something you make someone earn and build from the ground up.”
  • “Trust will get you killed, love will get you hurt and being real will get you hated.”

You can imagine the inner shudder I felt as I read these.  However, I wasn’t surprised.  I’ve run into enough people in hospital elevators, at the grocery store, wherever, who ask me what I do, and after I explain that I write about trust, well, let’s just say, it’s apparent which ones are thinking, “Yeah, good luck with that, Sister!”  (Fortunately, many are very supportive.  And no, I don’t think they’re just being polite, well, maybe a few.)

Back to the tweets….  In each instance, the trust they wrote of was external to them.  There was nothing about trust coming from within you, being based in love, leading to peace.  If you go back and read each of  them, they all share something:

A martyr mentality.  In each one, the person writing is choosing to give all of their power away.

Let me be clear here, I’m not faulting them.  Their beliefs are their beliefs, and their beliefs are based primarily on how they were raised to view trust.  If we all take a moment to think back to our childhood, how many of us can agree that we were raised that way, too?

I was.

And it wasn’t because my parents were bad parents.  It’s because that’s what they were taught.  Then they passed it down to us.  And by the way, no one ever sits a child down and says, “Okay Billy, today we’re going to learn about trust.”  [Unless, of course, your mother’s name is Leslie and she happens to write a blog about trust.]  No, these lessons are the subtle type, the ones we pick up purely by living among people, by being human.

And that, my friends, is why people don’t trust.

But here’s the thing.  Although this idea of trust being external to us, that we must earn it, and prove ourselves to others — although it’s a belief system that’s held by many, that doesn’t mean that it’s true.

So, what is true?  In order to trust, you must start by trusting yourself first.  Trust is knowing that you are able to handle any situation that comes your way.  Trust begins inside of you.

Letting Go/Surrender

What Do Tigger and Rabbit Have To Do With Addiction?

I’m Rabbit. Who Are You?

Are you a huge Winnie-the-Pooh fan? Maybe not now as an adult, but were you once as a child? It’s no secret, I still am! Yep, at 46, I still love me some Pooh-Bear.

I recall not so many years ago, sitting in business meetings, glancing around the conference table, and before too long, Tigger would show up, and Eeyore, and aye-yai-yai, Owl too. Tiggers would always catch my attention. How could they not, as they bounced in, usually declaring, “Wouldn’t it be great if….”  Tigger, with his ‘pie-in-the-sky, no-action-behind-his-words’ ideas. 

Tiggers are my least favorite Pooh character—it’s the  no-action behind some grand gesture that bothers me. Probably because being Rabbit (which I’m well aware is THE most annoying Pooh character), I would end up doing all of the actual work. But hey, Rabbits are well suited for work. We’re all about action, because we LOVE doing. When we’re doing, we can rant, direct, stomp around, then get burned on our yearly appraisal, and at some point, if we’re smart, we figure out how to be a little less Rabbit-like… at least on the outside.

Today, no longer in Corporate America, no longer receiving that annual appraisal, I’m free to rant, direct, and stomp all I want. But the joke’s on me, at least the old me. This is Life! And learning to be a little less Rabbit-like has served me well, Corporate America or not.

Change? For Others??

Hold up! Am I suggesting I alter myself for others? No, not for others. For me. In order to be my best me, and to love myself, I also quiet myself. Quiet myself so I can hear what?

My heartThe inside-voice who Knows.

I was reminded of this recently when I “accidentally” knocked down my childhood copy of Winnie The Pooh while dusting. The book landed gently before me, open to a page where Pooh, Piglet, and Rabbit were lost. Rabbit, the ever frantic, obsessive “DO-ER” (of which things must be done his way), kept steering the trio in circles in his moxie to problem-solve. Finally, quite disgusted, Rabbit departs.

Pooh tells Piglet, “Let’s go home.”  “But Pooh,” cries Piglet, “do you know the way?”  “No,” says Pooh.  “But there are 12 honey pots in my cupboard, and they’ve been calling me for hours. I couldn’t hear them properly before, because Rabbit would talk, but if nobody says anything…I shall know where they’re calling from.”

There are no accidents.

Reminders come in all shapes and sizes. Reminders such as a worn and weathered childhood book, which landed squarely in front of me, open to a page bearing a message—just for me. And maybe for you, too. Quiet your mind. Quiet your being. Listen. You aren’t lost. All you seek is inside you.  

The First Step To Letting Go

Why do I think so loudly that I cannot hear my heart? Why do I do so incessantly that I grow numb? And what is the perpetual hurry?—mostly a hurry to do more work. Even if you don’t live in Rabbit’s skin, you have hints of Rabbit, so you know what I mean.

In the previous two blog posts, it was not easy admitting my addiction to doing to you—how it has gotten the best of me in the past. It felt vulnerable and I didn’t like it. But I’m tired. And it was time. The first step to letting go is admitting, so I admitted. And you know what? The more I admitted, the more I let go. And continue to let go.

For the Rabbits and the doers and anyone who lives to problem-solve (ah, now I’m talking to you), see what message the following poem brings. As Mark Nepo explains in Seven Thousand Ways To Listen, what lies beneath the want to problem-solve is the need to being-solve.

“Coming Out”

While there is much to do
we are not here to do.

Under the want to problem-solve
is the need to being-solve.

Often, with full being
the problem goes away.

The seed being-solves its
darkness by blossoming.

The heart being-solves its loneliness
by loving whatever it meets.

The tea being-solves the water
by becoming tea.

~ Mark Nepo, Seven Thousand Ways To Listen

Heart Action, Spirit No-Action Sufi Proverb
Love & Relationship Spirituality/Belief System

Heart Action, Spirit No-Action Sufi Proverb

Heart and Spirit

It’s no secret.  You know, just as well as any kindergartener, the human heart is associated with love.  Beautiful feelings of love.  Heart-swelling feelings that are capable of creating magic.  Yet at some point after experiencing love, the loss of love will occur—your loved one will pass away, you’ll experience a painful break-up.  Whatever the circumstance may be, the loss of love will happen and your heart will ache.  In the case of our Sufi proverb, your heart will weep.  I think it’s safe to say, the heart action in this proverb can be seen as:  a broken heart, one that weeps out of sadness and a longing to return to a time before the loss, when the heart was still experiencing the blissful, comforting feelings of love.

The heart-half of this proverb is pretty straight forward.  But the Spirit-half….

Why would the Spirit laugh when the heart weeps? 

Here is what I believe:

The heart weeping is a reaction to outside circumstances—the loved one dying, the painful break-up.  Weeping is the first sign of letting go.  Spirit, however, knows.  There is no action required by Spirit.  Spirit is connected with God, Our Creator, the Divine, and all that IS.  Spirit is not concerned with outside circumstances, because the Spirit sees (KNOWS) the larger picture and rejoices (laughs) in the delight that you are moving through the pain in order to receive the gift that awaits you.  By the heart weeping for what it has lost (the loved one, the relationship), the Spirit laughs for what it has gained: the lessons embedded in the bigger picture.  The lessons that will ultimately serve you in incredible ways as you maneuver through Life.  

The blessing in these lessons will set you free. 

These sorts of lessons are huge.  They are why we share with one another:  to learn from one another—and ultimately, to grow.  The Spirit knows how important the lessons are for learning and growing, and for that reason, it laughs, it rejoices at the very moment the heart weeps.

I hope you enjoyed today’s post.  If you haven’t signed up for your weekly dose of Love and Trust, please do!  I’ll only send you original posts I hope will inspire and ignite your heart.

Girl-scouts-with-cookies
Lifestyle Seeking Truth & Meaning

Step Into Your Power

Irresistibly sweet Girl Scouts, parked at tables outside of grocery store entrances, walking door-to-door, with their irresistibly sweet voices, luring you to buy their irresistibly sweet cookies.

Except that…irresistibly sweet I am not. It takes everything in me not to snap, “No, thank you! I DON’T want your stinkin’ cookies!”

First, I don’t like the thought of being responsible for turning once smiling eyes into pools of disconsolate tears. But underneath my more human side—because hey, I am a mom and I know the pain I feel when my own children cry—underneath the human-mom-me, is the self-sabotaging woman, the woman who knows this simple fact:

I DO want their stinkin’ cookies. Bottom line: Thin Mints Have Power Over Me.

Thin Mints, Cheetos, McDonald’s French fries, movie theatre popcorn, Twilight (book series, not movies), Breaking Bad…and most recently, Stranger Things. 

All items above, at one point in my life, had power over me. Items, that once I started, picked up in my hands—no, even before that—once my mind latched on to the feeling it gave me, I’d find myself diving in with a sense of devouring urgency. There simply was no turning back. 

What, or who, makes up your list? Do you have a food, or is it an activity, or maybe a person you just seem to rollover and say, “Okay. I’m yours. All yours.” …and I’m not talking about in a “good” way. You know what I’m talking about, I’m talking about that feeling of being so far gone, like there’s no way to stop the freight-train before it runs off the detached and mangled tracks. The hopeless, desperate feeling, that when you come to the surface you know: _________ has power over me.

It’s okay if at this point you find yourself thinking, How did this article go from some cheeky talk about Thin Mints, to nailing my current relationship? Or a relationship that’s not so far in my past that I can easily conjure the sting of power it (he/she) had over me? 

Cheeky, true, false, depressing, or whatever your case may be, here’s the good news:

Anything that holds power over you, teaches you how to step into yours.

You step into your power by living to tell the tale of the person or thing that once-upon-a-time held power over you.

How?

Well, isn’t that always the million dollar question?!

Here’s the million dollar, straight-up, no BS answer: In order to step into your power, you must learn to love and accept yourself first.

Someone once asked me, “So what does it even look like to love myself? Does it mean I give myself hugs all day long, or what?”

Very cute, but not exactly….

You will see what loving yourself looks like (or doesn’t look like), in the choices you make.

Let’s take the Thin Mints. Do they have power over you, too? Or is it potato chips? Ice cream? Shopping? CrossFit? Fill in your blank. Then it’s time for the demanding, often arduous part: connecting your mind with your body.

Having to connect mind with body implies that the two are somehow disconnected. That’s exactly what I’m saying here…that in order to love and accept myself enough not to self-sabotage, I realize that what my body needs does not always equal what my mind wants. Often they are not the same at all, at least not on the surface.

It goes like this: I’m sitting on the couch. I remember there are Thin Mints in the freezer (because they are even more irresistible cold!). Without much more thought than that, I’m up and off, digging in the box in the freezer, downing my typical serving size (an entire sleeve)…the whole time running on auto-pilot. My mind has not connected with my body for one single second! And unfortunately, when they finally do connect, it’s through feelings of either guilt or shame, or a horrible stomachache. 

And that’s just cookies I’m talking about (for simplicity sake); it becomes much deeper and more complicated when the example turns to a current or ex-lover.   

No matter the situation, it’s when I firmly connect my mind with my body as I make choices that support my higher good, that I feel the POWER in loving and accepting myself.

This is not about soothing or numbing myself with _________, or about self-control or impulsivity issues, it’s about choosing what my body needs, not what my mind wants…and eventually connecting the two until they are in sync, performing an irresistibly sweet dance together for my higher good.

This connecting of mind and body, like anything else—learning to ride a bike, play the piano, public speaking—anything that’s worth your effort, takes practice.

Learning to love and accept yourself is a mind/body practice, with a heavy dose of balance.

After reading this article, you may choose to immediately click elsewhere, close the tab, get back to work, start another load of laundry.  Or…you just might make a cuppa tea, sit quietly, and contemplate whether or not your choices reflect someone who loves and accepts themselves. You might ask yourself what you can do to start the practice of connecting your mind and your body.

Power Practice

Here’s a suggestion: Keep it simple. Start small. But start! Simple and small might be saying a mantra each time you look in the mirror for one week. The mantra might sound something like this, “All I choose comes from self-love.  All I choose comes from self-acceptance.” 

The following week, you may choose to keep the mantra, and add a two minute morning meditation. For two solid minutes, while sipping your cuppa tea or coffee, you sit quietly, noticing the actual heat of the liquid each time you swallow, allowing your mind and body to get acquainted with one other.

Keep it simple. Start small. But start!  

Anything that holds power over you, teaches you how to step into yours. Step into your power, the power that comes from loving and accepting yourself.

7 Things to Lose If You Want to Win
Faith Lifestyle

7 Things to Lose If You Want to Win

Win What?…  The Grand Prize: YOU

Last month I wrote that Tigger is my least favorite Pooh-character, true. Tigger with his big plans and grand gestures, none of which he follows through on. Of course that would get under the skin of a self-declared “do-er.”  Least favorite character or not, Dude does a lot of things RIGHT!  Things I could learn to embrace. So this week, I shall ditch my Rabbit-nature and take my inner-Tigger for a spin (if I can manage to get out of the parking lot!).

Lose What Exactly?  Lose Yourself

Let’s Get Lost Together:

  1. Lose the disciplined approach. This means lose the plan. Screech!! Do I hear the distinct sound of brakes being slammed on already? Take heart, this is just trying something on to see how it feels. You don’t have to stay with it long-term. Think of this one as permission to live as you feel. Yes—Live. As. You. Feel! (I think we’re not only off the brakes now, but up-shifting pretty fast….)
  2. Lose the role you normally play. This is nothing more than a role you’ve assigned yourself and grown comfortable with. This role says, “I like this, and I don’t like that.” It says, “I spend my leisure time doing this, but never doing that.” If you’re anything like I am, you like what you like, and you know what you like. BUT, if you’re honest with yourself, there are many things you’ve never tried, all because your broken record bellows: I like what I like! This is who I am!! But who’s to say there’s something out there that you or I won’t like even more? Something that might help us grow in amazing and beautiful ways? Maybe grow more into the REAL YOU and the REAL ME than we ever knew possible.
  3. Lose the mask you don each morning. This could mean losing the mask of make-up or the clean shaven face, or deeper: the mask that hides your innermost feelings. You have an entire universe of Life inside you, wanting nothing more than to shine. Give an outward expression to the liveliness within you, and watch how you radiate. In the words of the Buddha, “Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine.”
  4. Lose the false notion that you’re in control. Seriously. I could go on and on here. But I won’t. Remember this:  When you’ve done all, stand. At which point you surrender, acknowledging you’re not in control. Give it up to the empowering Spirit within (some may refer to this as a higher power). As Mark Nepo said during our phone interview, “Surrender doesn’t mean resignation. Surrender means offering our will to flow with the currents that are larger than us.”
  5. Lose your adult-like tendencies. Re-read Winnie The Pooh, The Little Prince, The Velveteen Rabbit. See the wisdom and Truth in the genuine, simple, meaningful stories. With child-like eyes, see how losing your adult-like tendencies leads to understanding others in a new and fresh, compassionate way.
  6. Lose caring what others think of you. Frankly, it’s none of your business. This one goes hand-in-hand with don Miguel Ruiz’s second agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally. It’s not about you, it’s always about the other person, so stop placing your energy in places it doesn’t belong. Free yourself from the burden here, there’s no burden necessary.
  7. Lose the constant questions. Stop asking Why. Stop asking How. And stop asking What’s the use? They all show a lack of trust. It’s fine to try to better understand an issue or to approach a problem at work in a strategic way; what I’m suggesting here is to lose the questions in matters of the heart. Feel what you feel. That is enough.

There’s a time and place for each of these seven—I‘m not suggesting you lose them forever-and-ever-Amen, just give them a spin and see how you feel.

Regain Your Power

Once you give yourself permission to lose… lose the rigidity, lose the constant rules, lose the incessant planning and demands, YOU WIN. Notice how freeing it feels to lose each of these, how some may be easier to lose than you thought. And notice this—there’s something all seven have in common (glance back at #7 for a hint). Yes, in order to lose any one of these, you must first trust yourself. How empowering. In trusting yourself, you’re trusting in something higher: